Some Helpful Suggestions when Searching for a Therapist or Counsellor
I want to start by saying that I appreciate searching for a therapist or counsellor can be a stressful, anxiety inducing experience, good for you for taking this courageous step. Getting the support you need to have the life you want, is an act of self-love. Throughout this article I will use the terms counsellor and therapist interchangeably.
Getting Started
If you’ve been searching for a therapist, you might have discovered that not all counsellors or therapists are the same. Therapists will have different training, approaches or modalities, and personal life experiences that will all impact how they can support you.
I want to define a few terms here that can help you understand what I am sharing:
Therapeutic Approaches & Modalities
These encompass the overall approach to therapy that a therapist takes when working with their clients. A modality is generally a specific type of training or “type” of therapy they practice.
Modalities Examples
AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy), DBT, Bowen Family Systems, Art Therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Person-Center Therapy, EMDR, CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Narrative Therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)
Approach Examples
A therapist with a Person-Centered approach to therapy would always intend to completely accept the client throughout their sessions. Generally, they would always hold in their mind that the client has their own wisdom, and that one of their roles is to support the client in remembering that wisdom.
While each therapist practicing the same modality will practice in different ways, they will have a very similar base of techniques, overall mindset and understanding of how to help their clients. Similar approaches and similar modalities will bring some similarity to how therapy is practiced by counsellors.
Most therapists will be trained in and practice using a combination of different therapeutic modalities. Many modalities and approaches share at least some core techniques, perspectives, and understandings about therapy and change.
A little about my own Experience Finding a Therapist and Being in Therapy
As a counsellor I know how important it is to have my own support. If I’m not working towards working my own struggles out, it could affect my ability to show up in the best way for my clients.
I’ve worked with a number of therapists over the years and each one supported me in different ways that helped me grow, evolve and have a better life. That being said I have come to recognize what works for me, and more importantly what doesn’t work for me. I’ve been to therapists that felt cold, it felt like they were trying to help me “figure out” my problems, rather than joining me in an exploration of myself and what I am going through. Some therapists will help you from a place of mind, some will do it from a place of heart, and some will do it from both. I know for me, I am best supported by a therapist that comes from both.
I have found that therapies that have me feeling and experiencing my struggles and triumphs right in the session, are the way for me to create lasting change in my life. Talking and sharing about myself and my life with a therapist brings greater awareness for me. Feeling and experiencing them right in the session brings that much more awareness and transformation, on top of talking about them.
“Nothing ever becomes real ’til it is experienced.”
~ John Keats
It’s OK and even Encouraged to Try out a few Therapists
I encourage you to meet a few different therapists for a 15-20 minute consultation. Ask questions and share what you are struggling with, before you decide who are you going to work with. Of course, all good rules are meant to be broken, sometimes we find someone that feels “right”, or we know is “the one”, and we jump right in.
Therapy is about feeling comfortable enough to explore yourself with another person. Ideally you will work with someone who you feel you can trust enough to open up with. Don’t expect yourself to feel totally safe and open with them right away, you will know deep down if this person is someone who can be that person for you in the future.
More than anything else when searching for a therapist trust your instinct, your innate knowing. See how you feel about what they say, how they are, how you feel about them and most importantly how you feel about their responses. How are they meeting you?
Naturally a little of my bias is coming in here as I’m human, I would rather be transparent about that. That being said, I truly wish that you find the best support for you at this time no matter what you decide that looks like.
Should I stay with the same Therapist?
Know that as you spend more time with your counsellor the trust between you will build. Once you’ve decided on a therapist I suggest staying with them for at least 3-4 sessions before you make a change. That’s right it’s completely OK to change counsellors, if it’s not a good fit for you. You might find you work with someone for awhile and decide that you want a different experience, and that’s a good thing. Sometimes one therapist is exactly what we need to help us work through certain challenges, then another therapist is perfect for our next challenges. Again, trust yourself and bring up your uncertainty with your therapist. A good therapist will help you explore what is right for you, when you aren’t sure what that is.
What is a consultation?
A consultation is a brief chance to meet a therapist. It’s an opportunity to ask any questions you might have about the therapist, how they work, and what you might expect working with them. You can ask specifically about sessions or therapy in general. It’s also a chance for the counsellor to ask a few questions about you, and what you’re struggling with.
An important note, a consultation is not therapy. This means the therapist shouldn’t be inviting you into therapeutic experiences. You may still have some strong feelings come up as you talk about yourself or learn more about therapy. This is completely natural, it’s hard and at the same time really brave to talk about your struggles and yourself.
Insurance for Counselling
If you are a going to be paying for therapy through insurance then it’s good know what your insurance plan covers. One thing many people don’t realize is that you (or your HR person) can request your insurance company add a person or type of therapy to their insurance plan. Many insurance companies are happy to do it, but they don’t know who to add if you don’t ask. Find the type of therapy that you think will best support you, then work with your insurance company to make it happen. You are worth getting the support you want.
A List of Good Questions you could ask a Therapist in a Consultation
| Question | Why the questions can be helpful |
|---|---|
| Why are you therapist? | A chance to know a little about what makes the therapist tick. What is their motivation in being a therapist? A chance to learn about their values in their own words. |
| What modalities do you counsel from? Why do you think those are good modalities? | This helps give you a basic understanding of how the therapist approaches supporting you, how they understand change and growth. |
| How much of your own personal therapy have you done? | This is a huge one because if a therapist isn’t clear on their own blind-spots it can affect how they show up for you (Counter-transference). No one is perfect, even counsellors. It shows that they believe in the value that therapy can offer. They will also be able to relate to your experience as the client, as they’ve had their own experience being the client. |
| What is their take on Supervision? | No matter how strong or experienced a therapist is, there is always more they can learn, different perspectives they haven’t considered. I believe it also shows how open to free exploration a therapist is. |
| What is their overall approach or philosophy to therapy, to change, to healing, to growth? | Similar to their modalities as mentioned above, it will give you a sense of how they approach growth and the process of change. How they see their clients, and the work you might do together. |
| What is their part in the process of therapy? | This question explores how they plan to show up with you during therapy. It can help you understand if they will be an observer, part of the process itself and how much of themselves they will bring to the work they do with you. It’s not appropriate for your therapist to share so much about themselves that you feel you must support them with their challenges, however they can share about themselves and be with you during therapy when it’s in service of you. |
Closing thoughts on Finding a Therapist
I recognize that I have given you a lot to consider here. You may be feeling overwhelmed which wasn’t my intention, but is a normal response to receiving a bunch of new information.
If nothing else know that it’s ok and encouraged to ask all the questions you have about therapy and the therapists you are looking to work with. Getting help can be a hard step but it’s worth it, you are worth it.
