Mindfulness and Letting go – How can they free us from anxiety and struggle?

Mindfulness Introduction

What is mindfulness? How does it relate to Letting Go? I would describe mindfulness as “the intentional allowing of what is, of what we are experiencing”. That could include thoughts, feelings (thoughts about our emotions) and bodily sensations.  Mindfulness is a light or gentle focus on what is happening for us moment to moment without trying to control it. It is being with what is and not attempting to change it. I describe Letting go as mindfulness around a specific topic that you are struggling with. Letting go is creating space to allow whatever we feel or think about a specific topic, mindfulness has no focus other than the present moment. There is a letting go process that has helped me a great deal which I will share in another post.

A Mindful Experience

Please join me for brief Experience of Mindful. A mindful practice.

What is Letting go? What is Mindfulness?

As we all experience things differently we will all have our own unique experiences of what Letting go and mindfulness is. Naturally; there are going to be some similarities too, I know for me especially when I got started it was really helpful to hear how others experienced letting go.  I wanted to know what to do. We are so used to “doing” things that we want to know what we should expect when we are letting go.  Our minds want context, what will letting go get it? What are the benefits of mindfulness? What will I get?  Mindfulness practice is actually getting good at not doing or expecting anything; which is totally counter intuitive for most us, I mean how do you “do” not doing?

For me letting go and mindfulness seemed impossible at first. I had a strong mind that didn’t want to let go of any control. I realize now that it felt unsafe for me to let go. It felt like surrender or letting go was the most threatening I could imagine. How could I put my guard down? It seemed absurd to let myself feel vulnerable, I imaged it would be a visceral experience of terror, that I might be able to stop.

Mindfulness is Paradoxical

As I started practicing Mindfulness, I found myself experiencing many seeming paradoxes.  As I held a less firm grip on the people closest to me, I was able to feel more connected to them. As I allowed my fears, the less I felt afraid.   The less intensely I focused on figuring something out the quicker the answers came to me.  The less needy I felt in my relationships the more loving I could be.   The more I allowed my experience of anger, the more peaceful I became. The more I let go or relaxed my hold on my sadness the more joy came in.

Can Surrender be powerful?

I experience letting go as a gentle attention to the energy behind my thoughts and bodily sensations.   Noticing what is behind it, experiencing the space surrounding it. It seems as a society we’ve decided surrender is giving up or allowing weakness to take over. We rally our strength for “The war against drugs”, “The war against poverty” or the “The War against hunger” but I wonder if any of these stances have actually improved anything. Another way to look at surrender, is as a giving up of the part of us that resists and fights against what we are experiencing.  We are already experiencing the upset, anger or sadness whether we fight against it or not.

Letting Go the Charge

What I’ve found with my clients and myself is oftentimes when we let our experience or energy run its course, it doesn’t need to return to fight within us anymore.  It’s like a child that wants our attention and keeps asking for it more and more insistently, once they get it, they carry on as if nothing happened.  It’s as if the resistance to the energy of the thing, is what keeps it alive.  It’s the continuation of the resistant energy that keeps us from releasing it forever.  Rather than pushing it aside, we can actually free ourselves from that energy so it doesn’t return to us.

Mindfulness throughout your Day

For many people mindfulness or letting go starts as a practice, similar to meditation or exercise. We set aside a specific time and place for us to let go or be Mindful.   What I and my clients have found is Mindfulness grows into a state of being, that we are in more and more throughout our lives. Mindfulness is a state of being rather than something we do.  It opens us up or expands us into a vastness, rather than pinpointing our focus on doing or accomplishing a specific thing. In many ways Mindfulness is the opposite of how society, at least western society, approaches living life. It’s not task oriented, constantly driving us to some sought after destination; rather it’s a coming back into a present moment experience of ourselves. It’s creating a different kind of relationship with ourselves, without the expectations, complicated past, and worries about the future.

Where did Mindfulness practice come from?

Mindfulness comes from Buddhist and Hindu teachings out of the east.  It’s based on the concept of “Sati” which is translated as attention, awareness and being present.   Mindfulness came to the west through teachers like Jack Kornfield, Thich Nhat Han (one of my favorite teachers to listen to) and Jon Kabat-Zinn. Jon Kabat-Zinn brought Mindfulness into main stream psychology through his science based   program called , mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) among others.

Jon Kabat-Zinn studied molecular biology at MIT but later founded MBSR at the University of Massachusetts.  Mindfulness is now used at over 700 hospitals in the US.

“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.”
~ Jack Kornfield

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In doing research for this article I learned the BC Children’s Hospital has a Center for Mindfulness, I found this article from the NIH on mindfulness and found this wonderful article in the Faculty of Medicine Journal by Matias P. Raski. Positive Psychological has a great article on the history of Mindfulness if you want to learn more about where it comes from.

How can Mindfulness and letting go help me?

Mindfulness and letting go helps to reduce the amount of resistance or energy that has built up, holding strong feelings at bay.  Mindfulness helps us be less reactive as our defences relax. We are less likely to fear being overwhelmed by our emotions, this creates a space within us where they can be felt. When we can feel our emotions without being overwhelmed by them it builds resilience, builds trust within our internal systems and creates more cohesion internally. The more we can feel these emotions without being overwhelmed, the less they impact our behavior and life satisfaction. 

Mindfulness has us being present, being in the moment. When we are in the moment, we aren’t feeling anxiety or stress about something from the past or worry and concern of the future.  Fretting over the past or feeling concerned about the future doesn’t actually resolve or change it.  In no way am I suggesting you should just stop fretting and let it go, as it’s not something that can be forced. Forcing it may actually intensify the experience.

Many of the greatest scientists or thinkers would be working and focusing on a problem, they would go for a walk or have a nap and completely let it go. Often it would be in those moments or shortly after that the solution would come to them.  When they could create some space within themselves, and connect to their larger selves, the answers would come.   I am not suggesting that all your problems will be solved with Mindfulness, but it can be a wonderful way to access your own wisdom and insight.

Mindfulness reduces Stress

Mindfulness is proven to reduce stress. What actually is stress? It’s the feeling of tension, pressure or strain in the body.  It’s the buildup of the energy of concern and worry   This pressure or strain Is how our nervous systems have learned to defend us from potential or perceived threats to our existence, and to our safety.   You can learn more about how our systems operate in my article “Psychological Defences – What are they and why do I care?”.   Mindfulness retrains our bodies (nervous systems) what its like to know safety.  With letting go we are basically letting go of the “charge” or negative energy we are carrying; we literally are releasing the energy of stress.   We are flowing with life rather than fighting against the current.

The Essence of Mindfulness and Letting go

Mindfulness for me is like expanding or stretching out from the confines of my small human self. Being held in some vast comforting bed, that is just the right amount of softness and firmness. It’s as if I plug into my essence or core for a recharge. As it becomes more and more of my daily experience, it’s like I am continuously being charged like a solar battery.  

I have always found the name “mindfulness” interesting as when I am mindful I am actually less full of my mind. I am being more me and less my mind. As I become more and more mindful I am more and more able to choose how I am being. As I allow and bring awareness to all the thoughts, feelings and emotions the less they control me, the more able I am to choose what I am being. I can choose to be happy, joyful or at peace.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
~ Carl Jung

How would you describe your experience with mindfulness?